I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
