pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
