I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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