My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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