Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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