im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
