You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
