I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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