I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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