Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
what the fuck happened to the tacos
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
