Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
