By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
