Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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