Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
