if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
