things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
