The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
