Non-Jews are for practice
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
