Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
