I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
