So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Boobs speak an international language.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
