Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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