Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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