Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
