I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
