She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
