we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
