like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
