You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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