So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
