Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
