Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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