last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
