I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
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