Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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