I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I enjoy the company of your penis
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
