Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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