funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
