I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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