So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
