3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Shame is for Republicans.
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