Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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