He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
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