Swine flu. Run for my life!
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
