Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
