i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
