Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
