You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
we made out on top of his cat.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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