Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
