epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
