If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
