There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
he thought i was a dude.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
