Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
