When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
